Monday, October 21, 2013

Yes, I'm Sure

This shit hurts.  The gas, bloating, sore incisions.  It hurts.  Trying to get comfortable to sleep, taking steps to the bathroom, putting clothes on.  It all hurts.  No this isn't the hurt of childbirth, but instead the exact opposite.  This is the pain from getting my tubes tied last week.  But, I would do it all over again because this hurt is accompanied by freedom.  Freedom to have sex with my husband without worrying about an "oops".  Freedom to know that in about 13 years I can set off on a trip around the world.  Freedom from the hormones that I swear were coloring my days black and continually adding inches to my waistline and challenging everything I know about skincare.  So, I'll take the hurt to get to the freedom.

What bothers me on this day is the amount of times I was asked if I was sure I wanted to go through with this.  I was first asked two years ago by my doctor, who then told me to wait.  As if I wasn't old enough or wise enough to know what made sense for me.  So I did wait, mostly for financial reasons.  And I began this journey earlier this year, when I had to get my Mirena out as I crossed the 5 year limit.  Clearly, I knew I didn't want another one (Mirena nor kid), so a more permanent form of birth control made sense.  I chose the Essure, but unfortunately my body didn't like my choice because I was one of the 1/3000 (or some minuscule percentage) of women whose body rejects the procedure.  The morning I heard my doctors voice on the other end of the phone line (they don't make calls themselves), I knew something was wrong.  So, I was given the option to continue on dreaded birth control or have a tubal ligation.  Why stop now, full steam ahead.  But through all of this, I was continually asked "Are you sure?"

So if you don't know, I have 2 kids, 10 and 5, a girl and a boy.  Seems perfect to me.  I always thought kids were perfect in pairs.  We have two hands, one to grab each. There are two parents, one for each child.  Most cars only comfortably seat 2 kids (except those dreaded minivans).  So two kids works for me.  At one point in my life, I wanted 4 and then I had the first one and I got smarter. (Side note:  To all the parents of more than 2 kids, I applaud you.  I don't know how you do it)  I know that I am way too selfish (and honest with myself) to even attempt to have more kids.  While I had the most perfect pregnancies, the actual mothering part is no walk in the park.  I enjoy being able to have the in-laws (they are the best) watch them for the weekend or being able to send them to my moms for a few weeks in the summer.  Or even to be able to leave my husband for a few hours to peruse Ulta.  It doesn't seem to be as easy to get rid of your kids when you have more than two.  And lets face it, these suckers are expensive.  From daycare costs to tae kwon do lessons, money just bleeds from our pockets.  Now, I adore my kids and marvel in the fact that I am raising two individuals to be competent and confident members of society.  So why am I questioned when I choose to shut down the factory?

If I chose to have 8 kids and live off the government, I would be berated.  But making an honest and carefully thought out decision to not have anymore, caused co-workers, friends, and the medical community to pause.  Really?  While I am happy that I was given the opportunity to be a mom, I am not a farmer and don't need farm hands.  Yes, I'm sure I only want 2 kids.  Yes, I'm sure I want to have the surgery.  Yes, I'm sure I want to be known as more than so and so's mom.  Yes, I'm sure I want to experience the freedom from not being concerned about getting pregnant.  Yes, I'm sure dammit.  Don't ask me again.

the lipgloss junkie

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

If you really knew me...

Heather, from Come What May and Love It, wrote a post about keeping it real in social media instead of hiding behind the facade of perfection that is so easy to portray. So she wrote a list of the things that you would know if you knew the 'real' Heather. I was inspired to write my own list in response to hers.  So here goes....

If you really knew me, you’d know that I hate pets.  While I am in awe at the beauty of animals and nature, and love taking the kids to the zoo and aquarium, I don’t want any creature anywhere near me, EVER!  I tolerate it when visiting people’s homes, but inside I’m cringing.  So, no pets at my house.

If you really knew me, you’d know that some days I glide through life on auto-pilot, not knowing how I got from one point to the next.  And sadly, this includes driving from place to place.  Only the angels know how I get home some days.

If you really knew me, you’d know that while I’m not where I used to be, I can’t for the life of me figure out why I’m not where I feel I should be.  And things like Facebook don’t help.  I see the pictures and posts of my “friends” who appear to be living the high life and wonder where I went wrong.  And its only prayer that can bring me to reality and realize that everyone can’t post all the things that go wrong, the things that go right are much better captured in pictures.

If you really knew me, you’d know that I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if I were single with no kids.  It’s not that I don’t love and adore them, but it just makes life complicated.  And while life wasn’t exactly lollipops and sunshine before, I was younger and dumber so I still wonder.  Yet I don’t usually write much about these feelings for fear that my kids will stumble upon it one day and end up in therapy and I’ll be seen as a bad mom.

If you really knew me, you’d know that as anal as I am about things, I don’t like structure imposed on me.  Read: I really don’t like working for someone else, on their schedule, doing things they deem as important. Not that I don’t see the value in the work that I do, but I’d rather be able to do it the way I feel is necessary.  I’d really like to be able to dream and be idyllic and create my day as I see fit, responding to every whim and passion I feel.  Then I wouldn’t feel so drab and maybe then I wouldn’t feel such a disdain towards Mondays.

If you really knew me, you’d know that my house is a mess.  It has always been a mess and for the life of me, I can’t figure out how to get from messy to classy.  No matter what I do and the hours I put in, it still looks a mess.  And sadly, from going on home visits over the years, I know that I am not alone, and am ok with that sometimes.  Sometimes, I just can’t muster up the energy to do anything about it and when I do, I feel defeated.

If you really knew me, you’d know that I’m a nicer person than I let on.  While I may be blunt and speak my mind, and let things roll off my back nonchalantly, I truly care about the people in my life and will do whatever is necessary for them.  Just don’t cross me, because I can also be that crazy ‘b****’ who will get what I want in the end.

Lastly, if you really knew me, you’d know that I truly love to read and write.  Reading allows me to transport to somewhere else and to know that I am not alone in my thoughts and actions.  Writing allows me to vent, to let you in to my world, and to show that you should be free to express how you feel, if for no other reason than there is someone else out there who needs to hear your words.

the lipgloss junkie

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

A to Z: Lessons for Every Child

It's that time again that most of us parents get excited about, back to school.  As our children get settled back into their routines, I thought I'd share something that I wrote about 10 years ago.  It hits home for me now more than ever, as my oldest is on the precipice of puberty and my youngest is entering kindergarten.  We must remember that regardless of what our children learn in school, we are their first teachers charged with molding and shaping them into wonderful human beings.  So, here's my back to school gift to you and your children.

Always do your best
Be honest
Choose wisely
Enjoy each day to the fullest
Feel the music
Get involved
Have fun
Interests, examine yours
Join a club based on your interests
Knowledge is the key to success
Love yourself
Make believe
Never give up
Obey your parents and teachers
Pick a good book and read
Quitters never prosper
Respect others
Success is up to you, Stay focused
Take responsibility for your actions
Utilize the resources around you
Volunteer, you'll feel good about yourself
Wisdom comes with experience
Xpect greatness
Yearn for more, don't settle
Zoom out, look at the big picture

~the lipgloss junkie

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Long Distance Love

How do people do it?  How do you love across cities, states, countries?  Now, I'm not talking about love in the 'husband-wife' way (my hubby is still right here), but I'm talking about familial love with distant relatives.  Growing up, I just knew that I was going to marry someone from Baltimore, live in Columbia (suburb outside of Baltimore), and see my family as often as I wanted.  So, how did I end up living 12 hrs (by car, 14 with the kids) or 2 hrs (by plane) away?

First, let me say that I love living in Atlanta and I'm so grateful that my in-laws live around the corner.  However, it is days like today, that I miss living an hours drive away.  I miss being able to hop in the car and meet my best friend for breakfast or meet my mom and sister at the mall for another unnecessary, but fun shopping trip.  And today, I miss that I couldn't be in the room to eat birthday cake with my grandmother.  After about an hour of technical snafus, we were finally able to connect via video chat on Google hangouts.  And though, no one was able to clearly hear me, I was able to see the faces of my mom, sister, aunt, grandmother, and a host of cousins.  And as they began to sing 'Happy birthday', my tears began to roll.  I guess in a way they were tears of joy.  Joyful, that at least I was able to see the event, even though I wasn't physically there.

The hardest part about being in another state is knowing that my children don't have the same type of relationship with  both sides of the family.  While they see my in-laws on a near daily basis, they may only see my side of the family during the summer months.  Its not so bad for my daughter, since she was almost 2 before we moved away, however, my son doesn't have as close a bond as she does.  This summer will be the first time he goes to visit without me and I'm looking forward to it.  Not just because the hubby and I could use some alone time, but because it will give my son the opportunity to bond with my family without hanging around my legs.    Hopefully this will be the start of a yearly tradition.

Though this was never the type of relationship I thought I'd have with my family, I am quite happy that we live in the technology age.  Even though Skype, Tango, and Google hangouts give us trouble almost every time we try to use them, I'm glad that we even have the options.  It is so nice for the family to be able to see how big the kids have gotten.  And until I strike it rich and am able to hop on a plane whenever I want, I suppose I'll have to live with loving my family long distance.

the lipgloss junkie

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Deal or delusion?

Charming Charlie. JC Penney. Groupon. Half Off Depot. Sole Society. Sally Beauty. Foot Locker. Coach. Ulta. Sears. Clinique. Amazon.....These are all of the companies who have sent me an email today, not to mention Good Housekeeping and Woman's Day.  Like many of you, I signed up to receive these emails to receive whatever perk was going on and to get the coveted coupons that we all love.  I have my share of clutter in my life, and as I sat down and promptly deleted (without opening) all of these messages, I realized that even my inbox can't escape the clutter.  So I ask, are all of these digital subscriptions deals or delusions?

Now let's cut the crap.  We all know that they are marketing ploys from the companies with hopes of getting our money, but can I truly say its a deal if I'm spending money on something that I wouldn't have bought in the first place?  I am not a disciplined shopper!  I tend to head straight for the sale section in any store, maybe to get the best deal, or maybe just because I get a thrill in paying $4.99 for something that has an original price of $27.  I just told my mother about the 2 bags of cranberries I have in my freezer.  When she asked me what I was planning to make, my only response was, "I don't know, but they were only $.99"  Sadly, that is the only reason I bought them and I can only hope that I use them instead of throwing them away.

Back to the emails.  I think the best of the emails are for the stores that you shop frequently and for the restaurants that offer free meals for your birthday (I'm still sad I didn't use my Benihana meal this year).  But someone tell me how to effectively make use of the rest of the emails.  I tend to print out the coupons and place them in my seemingly bottomless purse.  And there they sit, until I remember them, at which point they've usually expired.  And in the special times that I do remember them, I talk myself into buying something just because it's a good deal and I have a coupon. (Side note:  I'm not as bad as it sounds, mostly because I'm cheap).  So in an effort to start the new year off right, I'm going to kick some of my retail stalkers to the curb.  No one needs to receive a reminder from Coach almost everyday about the current sales, if I could afford a Coach bag everyday, I wouldn't need the sale.  So no longer will I be deluded!  I say, unsubscribe from all of the stores that you don't use.  Goodbye Sole Society (I'm not ordering shoes I can't try on). Goodbye Charming Charlie (the closest one is too far anyhow).  Goodbye Sears and JC Penney (I'll just continue to browse the sale sections when I come to the store).  I'll keep my restaurants...I won't miss my free Benihana meal next birthday!  And I'll keep Ulta and Sephora, because a girl's gotta have her gloss!!

What do you think? Is your inbox overflowing?  Do you use the "deals" you get?
The lipgloss junkie

BTW I refused to sign up at Bath and Body Works today when I bought one of my favorite lip balms. I'm making progress.