Tuesday, September 10, 2013

If you really knew me...



Heather, from Come What May and Love It, wrote a post about keeping it real in social media instead of hiding behind the facade of perfection that is so easy to portray. So she wrote a list of the things that you would know if you knew the 'real' Heather. I was inspired to write my own list in response to hers.  So here goes....

If you really knew me, you’d know that I hate pets.  While I am in awe at the beauty of animals and nature, and love taking the kids to the zoo and aquarium, I don’t want any creature anywhere near me, EVER!  I tolerate it when visiting people’s homes, but inside I’m cringing.  So, no pets at my house.

If you really knew me, you’d know that some days I glide through life on auto-pilot, not knowing how I got from one point to the next.  And sadly, this includes driving from place to place.  Only the angels know how I get home some days.

If you really knew me, you’d know that while I’m not where I used to be, I can’t for the life of me figure out why I’m not where I feel I should be.  And things like Facebook don’t help.  I see the pictures and posts of my “friends” who appear to be living the high life and wonder where I went wrong.  And its only prayer that can bring me to reality and realize that everyone can’t post all the things that go wrong, the things that go right are much better captured in pictures.

If you really knew me, you’d know that I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if I were single with no kids.  It’s not that I don’t love and adore them, but it just makes life complicated.  And while life wasn’t exactly lollipops and sunshine before, I was younger and dumber so I still wonder.  Yet I don’t usually write much about these feelings for fear that my kids will stumble upon it one day and end up in therapy and I’ll be seen as a bad mom.

If you really knew me, you’d know that as anal as I am about things, I don’t like structure imposed on me.  Read: I really don’t like working for someone else, on their schedule, doing things they deem as important. Not that I don’t see the value in the work that I do, but I’d rather be able to do it the way I feel is necessary.  I’d really like to be able to dream and be idyllic and create my day as I see fit, responding to every whim and passion I feel.  Then I wouldn’t feel so drab and maybe then I wouldn’t feel such a disdain towards Mondays.

If you really knew me, you’d know that my house is a mess.  It has always been a mess and for the life of me, I can’t figure out how to get from messy to classy.  No matter what I do and the hours I put in, it still looks a mess.  And sadly, from going on home visits over the years, I know that I am not alone, and am ok with that sometimes.  Sometimes, I just can’t muster up the energy to do anything about it and when I do, I feel defeated.

If you really knew me, you’d know that I’m a nicer person than I let on.  While I may be blunt and speak my mind, and let things roll off my back nonchalantly, I truly care about the people in my life and will do whatever is necessary for them.  Just don’t cross me, because I can also be that crazy ‘b****’ who will get what I want in the end.

Lastly, if you really knew me, you’d know that I truly love to read and write.  Reading allows me to transport to somewhere else and to know that I am not alone in my thoughts and actions.  Writing allows me to vent, to let you in to my world, and to show that you should be free to express how you feel, if for no other reason than there is someone else out there who needs to hear your words.

Love,
the lipgloss junkie